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Chat Up Lines From Hell!

Dion Addams

Girl hiding behind her hand

Welcome back my naughty little beauts! Today we're talking about those good old chat up lines.

We've all been there, in the club or a bar (for those of us over the age of 22). Minding our own business dancing, drinking, spilling cocktails, losing our dignity and genuinely having a laugh when a guy comes over and hits you with one of those God awful sentences that make your insides crunch up and die! … Like really did he just say that???

Two girls laughing in the sun

Seriously guys you should only use these lines if they're funny. Boy's that make us laugh are actually a turn on. If your chat up line is just awkward then I'm sorry pal but the only number you'll be getting is for the taxi and the only thing you're taking home is a kebab!

Kebab , meat, onions, lettuce and tomatoes

I can proudly say I've never in my life had to use a chat up line (mainly because I'm a girl and I don't chase after boys!) But like most of you, I have received many many chat up lines and to be honest I'd prefer it if these guys just said “Hey I'm Cliff (sorry Cliff is an odd name but it's the first name that popped into my head so we'll go with it) Let me buy you a drink”. That example there shows a confident man introducing himself and taking charge in a strong polite way. Yeah I'd probably let good old Cliff buy me that drink (If he's hot, we're on to a good thing. If he's not, we just got a free drink... WIN WIN).

Fruity Cocktail on pink and purple background

So like I mentioned earlier, I have received many chat up lines (I'm not bragging, I'm just shocked so many guys actually use them). Here is an example of a line i've received...

Him - “How much does a polar bear weigh?”

Me - “I have no idea!”

Him - “Enough to break the ice”

White polar bear in snow

I just looked at this poor soul with pity and he left rather sharply. The thing is this guy was actually pretty cute, if he just stopped using these awful one liners then he'd have a girlfriend in no time!

Here are a few more one liners for you to enjoy (or cringe at)...

Line 1 - “Did it hurt?... When you fell down from Heaven”

Line 2 - “Is your dad a gardener?... he's grown such a beautiful flower”

Flower on girls head

Line 3 – “Is that a mirror in your pocket?... Cause I can see myself in your pants”

Line 4 – “Hey tie your shoes... I wouldn't want you falling for anyone else”

Confused Bear in nature

Line 5 – “You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy”

Line 6 - “You know that's illegal right?... To be that hot”

Line 7 - “What has 36 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk?... My zipper”

(I can see you judging these guys like this judgemental deer below)...

Confused deer in nature

Line 8 - “Are you lost?... Heaven is a long way from here!”

Line 9 - “Life without you is like a broken pencil... Pointless”

Line 10 – “I'm a thief and I'm here to steal your heart!”

Line 11 - “There's something wrong with my phone... It doesn't have your number in it!”

Line 12 – “Are you cake?... Coz I want a piece of that!”

Line 13 – “Is your body from McDonalds?... I'm lovin it!”

Girl crying in the dark

Line 14 – "I'm not a photographer, but I can picture you and me together”

Line 15 – "Do you know what my shirt is made of? (Whilst pulling at his label)...  BOYFRIEND MATERIAL!”

Line 16 - “You must be a magician, whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears!”

Line 17 - “There's only one thing I'd change about you and that's your last name!”

Line 18 - “Are you religious?... Because you're the answer to all my prayers!”

Line 19 - “Kiss me if I'm wrong but dinosaurs still exist right?”

Shy man covering his face

Line 20 - “Are you a parking ticket?... Cause you've got fine written all over you!”

Line 21 - “Do you have a pencil?”... I want to erase your past and write our future!”

Close up of owls face and yellow eyes

Dear God why oh why do they do it?! It can't be just me that cringes when these phrases land upon my ears. Just say "Hi" and chances are it'll lead to a conversation. Girls, if you've ever been hit with some funny/ awful one liners please share with us in the comments below. Guys feel free to let us now about the times you've used chat up lines and if any of them have actually worked for you! Until next time... Stay wicked folks and listen out for chat up lines on your night out!


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